I WANT YOU TO KNOW THE FULL STORY BEHIND MY INSPIRATION TO HELP OTHERS CONNECT WITH THEIR INNER GURU.
As an entrepreneur, up until my early 30’s I used to let work demands, fears, and perceived shortcomings unconsciously rule my life (I was manifesting from my lower chakras). It took me awhile to finely tune inward and say enough! In October 2013 I experienced what many would refer to as a spiritual awakening and this hallmarked the beginning of a conscious collaboration with the Universe that allowed me to slowly begin to heal and recover from the Type A, stress-fueled worrier, work-a-holic, and highly defensive perfectionist that I thought I needed to be in order to “succeed”.
Like everyone, I’ve had my fair share of life challenges to overcome. The hand that was dealt with me goes something like this…I grew up broke for the most part, with no healthy relationship to money, in a divorced family where my siblings and I bounced back and forth between parents. My father was an abusive alcoholic, blending dysfunction, fear, and instability as a common theme during my earlier childhood years. Needless to say, I had some trust issues and my defensive mechanism was to protect myself by throwing up walls and being in a constant state of defensiveness.
In early adulthood, I spent the better part of a four-year period in a constant state of ‘fight or flight’. I found myself habitually drawn to stress, worry, and anxiety and started to suffer physically as a result. I often felt insecure, constantly comparing myself to others, and allowing my ego to direct my willpower, motives, and belief system. My ego and knee-jerk reactions were running the show! My core beliefs were that the world was competitive and unsafe, and I had to fight hard to get ahead, believing in a world of lack, scarcity, and that good things came only if I could prove my worthiness through blood, sweat, and tears! I attracted relationships with guys that were incapable of giving love, as they reflected back to me my inability to feel worthy of it. I had a hard shell and lacked heart-centered vulnerability. As a form of “protection,” I finally realized I’ve built a wall around my heart. I remember a point where smiling and nodding was my way to fake happiness, when really inside I felt weighed down and burned out by buried anger, resentment, worrying, and over-working myself. I allowed little or no time for myself to rejuvenate or relax. In fact, I felt guilty if I actually had a day off!
During this four year period, that I now kindly refer back to as BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, I made myself sick emotionally, then physically. I experienced financial hardship, the real estate crash, a start-up business collapse, ongoing underemployment, mounting debt, the death of a friend, ongoing stress-related health issues such as IBS, candida, leaky gut, food allergies, SIBO, hormone imbalance, and adrenal fatigue to name some. As well as the devastating death of my father to cancer, whom btw I had not yet forgiven. This spiraling of events came in quick succession, proving now to be “the perfect storm” that cracked me wide open. In my early thirties, I got a crash course in all the biggies- health, money, relationships, security, and death.
I was desperate for answers, knowing that there had to be more to life than dealing with one anxiety-ridden mess after another. One night before bed I got this insatiable urge out of the blue to start meditating. Several days later I went inward for answers, praying for what I needed to do to truly heal, and that night my first answer came to me in a crystal clear dream. As I sat in meditation once again with clear intentions, taking the advice I just received, I found myself with an over-pouring of emotions and energy spontaneously flowing from my body. As I sat there with tears streaming down my face I began to feel lighter. A shift occurred and I knew I was cleansing. Several nights later I prayed for my next steps. Answers came to me upon waking the next morning as a gentle, clear, and concise voice in my inner ear. I later learned this was a clairaudient (clear hearing) experience, and I was receiving messages from my Higher Self. By October of 2013, I realized I was on the onset of a spiritual awakening and experienced heightened intuitive abilities such as increased intuition, energy awareness, precognition, clairsentience (clear feeling), and claircognizance (clear knowing). As I began to integrate the healing guidance, I realized I was receiving a divinely scripted self-healing spiritual prescription straight from Source!
This was the beginning of my healing journey inward. After my initial awakening, but before I really got to the source of what was making me sick, stressed, and disconnected, I was spending thousands on supplements, naturopath visits, acupuncture, Reiki, colon cleanses, hypnosis, and clean organic foods…all while seeing only marginal results. I was dependent on something outside of myself to help me heal. I was becoming desperate again to free my body of health issues. Through my meditation, yoga training and intuitive guidance I was able to recognize the victim role I was still playing! I returned once again to the divine answers that came to me previously. My habitual patterns (samskaras in Sanskrit) were repeating, and I realized there were no quick fixes. There was no way around it, only through it. I found myself dealing with the same dramas and traumas until I finally committed to the journey inward, to do the real work that no one else could do for me. And when I was consciously aware enough to pull my head above the cloud of chaos I created time and time again, I was able to access the higher guidance again, as it never truly left me.
The truth I came to realize is that the trials and tribulations I encountered are part of the conscious spiritual path. Living a “spiritual” lifestyle is not sipping green juices and necessarily stepping on your yoga mat every day. It’s not all rainbows and butterflies. The conscious spiritual path is a courageous up close and personal experience of every fear, limited belief, and false pattern of success that plays out over and over again, until you break the karmic cycle.
I know that we all have an inner healer and access to spiritual guidance. As a teacher it is my duty to hold space for you to awaken to this. That is it. The rest will take care of itself. We all have intuitive wisdom that is just waiting to be heard, whispering in our inner ear, but we have to be silent and aware enough to hear it. And if we go long enough without truly hearing the call of our own Soul, I believe our bodies, minds, energy, drive, and passion for life pay the price.
I look back now and can say I’m grateful for growing up broke, for having a dysfunctional childhood, for the financial blow-back of my late twenties, the poor investments, the collapsed start-up business, the sleepless nights of anxiety worried about debt, bills, and living paycheck-to-paycheck, the shitty relationships, the mornings waking to the pitted knot in my stomach, for the four years+ of ongoing health issues, thousands in naturopath bills, and for having the father I did have. I’m grateful for it all!! That’s not just something I say because it sounds good, I feel it at my core! Not because I would choose it if given the option (even though I believe I did on a Soul level before incarnating) but because now I live with the conscious awareness that everything…EVERYTHING…has been lining up for me from day one, co-created by me, to guide, heal, and support me on my own path of self-realization and Soul’s life purpose. I consider myself so blessed at a young age to have learned through experience some of life’s most valuable lessons, and to be able to share what I’ve learned with you in a practical way so you can easily apply what resonates with YOU into your daily life.
There is a peaceful awareness that resides inside you when you consciously choose to seek the bigger picture in life’s challenges. When you are willing to let go of everything you think should or shouldn’t be, and surrender in full faith to a larger design and purpose for your existence, the resistance drops, allowing an effortless unfolding for your true desires and dreams to manifest.
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